i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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