we made out on top of his cat.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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