Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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