we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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