Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
