We named our party play list daddy issues
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
