apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
