she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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