I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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