chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
