let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
