it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
