I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
