youre lurking in front of me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
