4 words: hood of his car
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
