I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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