Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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