bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
