I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
