i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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