talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
