Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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