i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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