I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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