i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
