I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.