i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we're making bets on your personal life
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize