i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
