No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
