Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
