Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have post one night stand depression
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