did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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