I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
