I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
