omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
