i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
