This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
