he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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