You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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