i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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