Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So vagazzling was a success
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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