I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
