im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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