I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
