last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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