hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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