do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
