I got chris browned last night
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
