I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
