i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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