apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i believe in u and ur pee
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
