Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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