It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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