Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
