I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize