You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
