That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
