Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
