You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
from now on my penis is your penis
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
