We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize